Balance Restored
by DragonKatGal
Summary: *Complete* One-parter + companion piece. Set after 'Showtime'. Angsty, kinda bittersweet.
1. Balance Restored

Balance Restored

SETTINGS: Just after Showtime.

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, but oh how I wish they were.

NOTES: Kinda morbid.  A little bittersweet

PAIRING: B/S *gasp* Kattie CAN do canon fics.

ONWARDS:

"You're not to tell her!" 

Giles was angry.  Livid if you wanted to be technical.  His four young friends had been the cause of countless deaths, all because of their own selfish desires and their inability to grieve for Buffy and then move on.

The First was able to create havoc because of Buffy being back.  Much as Giles had told Naya, Buffy hadn't been responsible for that.  Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya had been.  They'd upset the balance, and the only way to restore it was to eradicate the variable that had allowed it all to happen.

Buffy.

"Giles, you know she'd want to know this," Anya argued.

It wasn't as though she wanted anything to happen to Buffy.  Buft she'd been against the resurrection from the beginning, and it looked as though her hesitation hadn't been unfounded.

The ex-Watcher and the ex-demon entered the silent house on Revello Drive still arguing.  They were talking quietly though, so as not to wake any of the girls that were slumbering peacefully on the living room floor of the Summers' residence.

"And if she knew?" Giles asked.  'What then?"

"Giles, Buffy restores the balance," Anya said.

"What balance?"

Both Anya and Giles nearly jumped with fright as they heard Buffy's quiet voice from behind them.  Giles turned, his eyes going wide as he took in the battered form of his Slayer.

"Good lord," he breathed.  His hand came up to gently touch Buffy's cheek, stitches running against the otherwise smooth skin.  "What happened?"

"The Turokhan," she replied.  "But not to worry.  He's dust buster material now.  Plus, we've got Spike back.  All is right with the world."

Giles breathed a sigh of relief.  After the first and second fights with the Turokhan, he'd been worried that Buffy might not have been able to defeat the creature.  Obviously he'd underestimated his Slayer once again.

"And don't try and distract me," Buffy said.  "What balance?"

"It's nothing," Giles replied quickly.

Buffy looked at him, her eyebrows quirked.

"Just for future reference Giles, you really suck at lying," Buffy told him.  She turned to Anya who was known for honesty.  "What balance?"

Anya shifted her weight uncomfortably.  It was one thing to argue her case to Giles about the balance needing to be restored, but telling someone whom was her friend about her role in said balance was another thing all together.  She swallowed hard and ignored the looked she was getting from Giles.

"The balance between good and evil," Anya replied.

"Uh huh," Buffy replied slowly.  "And what was that about me being the one to restore it?"

"Well-"

"Anya!"

Both girls shot startled looks at Giles.  Buffy swallowed hard, somehow anticipating what was to come.  She hadn't seen Giles this worked up.  Not since the evening of the fight with Glory.  Giles hadn't even been that mad when he'd confronted Willow about how much magic she'd been using at the beginning of the previous year as well as at the end of the year when Willow had gone insane and had tried to end the world.  Compared to now, Giles had previously been quite calm about it all.

"It's bad isn't it?" Buffy asked quietly.  She looked to Anya who squirmed uncomfortably.  The ex-demon finally nodded and looked away.

Buffy suddenly felt the intense need to sit down.  She stumbled from the hallway into the empty kitchen, desperately trying not to hyperventilate. 

Giles glared at Anya and both of them followed Buffy into the other room.

"Buffy?" Giles asked gently.

"This is all my fault isn't it?" she asked quietly.

Though neither Anya or Giles could see the girls face, they both knew that Buffy was in tears.

"No it's not," Anya replied, her own voice a little shaky.  She had played a part in all of this.  Because of her, who-knew how many innocent girls were dead because of her actions.

"How isn't it?" Buffy asked angrily, turning to face them, her cheeks streaked with tears.  "This is happening because of me isn't it?  Because I'm back?"

"That wasn't your fault," Giles said.

Buffy wiped away her tears and stood up properly, trying to compose herself.

"Were you even gonna tell me?" Buffy asked.

Giles was reminded sharply of another time when Buffy had used those exact same words.  And the situation now was just as grim as it had been then.  He could still remember Buffy's voice, the tearful eyes and the shaking form of his then sixteen-year-old Slayer.

_I don't wanna die._

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to," Giles replied, the familiar words falling from his mouth before he could stop them.  "That I wouldn't-"

Buffy too could remember that particular argument.

"That you wouldn't have to.  That you would find another way," she finished for him.  "Maybe go in my place?"

Giles winced at the anger in her voice.

"Hundreds of people are dead because of me Giles," she said.  She breathed in deeply and looked her Watcher in the eye.  "But no more."

"Buffy you can't-"  "It's suicide!" "We can't know for certain that-" "You shouldn't have to-"

"Guys!"

Both Giles and Anya stopped mid sentence.

"I asked you to tell me how to stop the First.  And you did.  You found out and you told me.  And that's it."

"That's it?" Anya repeated.  "That's it?  You're giving in just like that?"

"What other way is there?" Buffy asked.

Anya paused.  People dying had certainly been a lot easier when she hadn't known or cared about them.

"Tell me, is the First here because of me?" Buffy asked.

"Well…technically," Anya replied.

"And is the way to get rid of the First by getting rid of me?"

"Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that, but…"

"Then that's my answer," Buffy said easily.

Giles was furious.  He grabbed hold of Buffy's arm, spinning her to look at him.  He searched her eyes, demanding answers and his anger deflated.  He loosened his grip but didn't let go of her.

"Buffy, think about Dawn…your friends," Giles said.

"I am," she replied.  "If me not being here is what's going to make the First go away, then that is my answer.  I can't just stand around and wait for the First to kill off all these girls one by one.  I can't wait around for the First to go after Faith and then come after me as well.  It's selfish and wrong, and I won't do it Giles.  I can't.  But I _can_ save these girls."

"By killing yourself?" It was a low blow and he knew it, but it needed to be said.

"By getting rid of the First," Buffy corrected him firmly.  "And I'm going to do it."

"Ooo, you know how to get rid of the First," a new voice said with excitement.  "Cool.  When did all this happen?"

Dawn.

Buffy swallowed hard and shot a look at her sister.  She then looked at Giles, her Watcher automatically understanding the silent plea from Buffy.  He let go of Buffy's arm and grabbed hold of Anya, dragging the tactless girl from the room before Anya could blurt out anything that had the possibility of upsetting Dawn.

Dawn looked at the retreating pair in confusion.  Eventually she just shrugged, used to the strange behaviour of all of the Scoobies.

"So…how do we kill it?" Dawn asked curiously.

Ever since Dawn had been Buffy's back up against the demons that Willow had conjured when she'd been on her black-magic trip, Buffy had been more lax about letting Dawn participate in the Slaying.

"_We_ don't," Buffy said gently.  "I do."

Dawn scolwed but knew she wasn't about to win that particular argument.  Then again, if the First was going to be anything like the Turokhan to defeat, she wasn't sure she wanted to be anywhere near it when Buffy faught it.

"Alright," Dawn said.  "How are _you_ gonna do it?"

Buffy sat down at the counter and pulled up another of the stools for Dawn to sit on.  Dawn sat down, starting to worry a little.  She didn't start panicking though, wanting to show Buffy how much she had matured.

"Do you remember that spell Willow used to bring me back?" Buffy asked.  

It wasn't a question that was entirely necessary.  Buffy was fairly certain that it was a day that Dawn would never forget, but it at least opened up the topic.

"Of course," Dawn replied.

"And you remember how the spell caused the demon to come after us all?  Well…it looks like that wasn't the only consequence of that spell," Buffy explained.

Dawn felt her heart drop into her stomach.

"What are you saying?"

Buffy breathed in deeply.  "This…all of what's happening, with the Potential Slayers being killed, the First and the Turokhan…it's all because of me.  Because I'm back."

"No!"

"The balance is off, Dawnie," Buffy said, gently stroking Dawn's hair, a soothing gesture as much for herself as it was for Dawn.  "People are dying because of me."

"But it wasn't your fault!" Dawn cried, jumping off the stoll.  Luckily Buffy had been about to start a new stroke and Dawn had managed to leap away without getting any of her hair caught in Buffy's fingers.  "Willow did the spell.  You didn't even wanna be here!"

"I know sweetie, "Buffy said quietly.

Dawn began pacing the room, her mind frantically working.  This wasn't fair!  She'd only really had her sister back for the last few months.  

Physically of course, Buffy had been back for a little over a year, but emotionally, her older sister had been back for about five or six months.

"You aren't gonna change your mind about this are you?" Dawn suddenly asked, turning to face her older sister.

Buffy shook her head.  There was already too much blood on her hands.  Dawn felt a tear run down her face, a sob rising in her throat, threatening to overwhelm her.

"What about me?" she whispered pitifully.

Buffy stood up and engulfed Dawn in a hug, sending the younger but somehow taller girl into hysterical sobs.

"You'll still have the Gang," Buffy whispered, fighting off her own tears.  "Giles and Willow.  Xander, Anya…"

Dawn sniffed and nodded miserably.  Buffy pulled back and held her sisters shoulders, looking into the young woman's eyes.

"I want you to tell Spike that I'm trusting him to take care of you," Buffy said.  "You get that?"

Dawn nodded and wiped away her tears.  "Tell him to take care of me."

"No, I'm _trusting_ him to take care of you," Buffy said.  "Mare sure you tell him that."

"Why don't you tell him?" Dawn asked.

"He's currently unconscious, otherwise I would, believe me," Buffy said.

After rescuing him only an hour ago, she'd managed to get Spike to the Jeep before the blonde vampire had completely passed out.  He hadn't woken since then and Buffy could only hope that he was in a healing sleep.

Dawn sighed and nodded, committing the message to memory.

"You're trusting him to take care of me, emphasis on the trust," Dawn repeated.

"'He'll know what I mean," Buffy said, hoping that he remembered their last conversation before he'd fought for his soul.

Dawn nodded and hugged Buffy fiercely before leaving the Slayer to write several short notes to her friends.  With that done, Buffy stopped inside her room for two reasons.  The first was to grab a weapon that had been hidden at the bottom of her cupboard, and the second was to place a soft parting kiss on Spike's lips as he lay unconscious in her bed.

After that, Buffy Summers walked out of the house on Revello Drive for the final time, a small weapon hidden in her coat pocket that had been retrieved from her beside table.

------------------------

"Show yourself!" 

She was in the basement of the new high school, standing directly above the hellmouth.  She was nervous, but there was no denying that she was determined to end the First's reign of terror that evening.

"What would be the fun in that luv?" asked a familiar voice from behind her.  She turned to see the bleached blonde leather-clad vampire standing in front of her, smirking seductively.

Buffy felt her mouth go dry at the sight of him.  She'd always been attracted to him, even when he'd been all out evil, but she knew that this wasn't Spike.

"You're not him," Buffy said confidently.

Spike just smirked and rested his hands over his belt buckle.

"What makes you so sure of that?" he asked.

"Well, first of all, the real Spike is currently unconscious in my basement.  Second of all, he's got a few more bruises than you do.  And third of all, that coat you're wearing is still in my closet at home," she replied confidently.

Spike's eyes narrowed and finally he just grinned.

"Not bad Slayer," the First said.  "Not bad at all."

It morphed into another familiar form, though this time a different vampire.  Angel.

"You can't get to me like that," Buffy said.

Angel shrugged and walked slowly towards her.  When he was about three feet away, the First morphed again.  Her mother.

"You can't kill me, Buffy," Joyce said quietly, an angelic smile on her face.  "You don't have it in you.  You don't even know how."

Buffy sucked in deeply, the image of her mother's smiling face very nearly taking away all her resolve.  She composed herself and managed to smirk at the apparition.

"You're wrong," Buffy replied.

Joyce frowned and morphed again, going back to Spike.

"You just rescued me, luv," he said.  "You can't be thinkin' bout doin' me in so soon."

"That won't cut it," Buffy said.  "I've got you beat this time.  I know how to kill you.  Not only do I know, but I've definitely got the strength for it.

Spike's eyes widened and he stepped towards her, reaching out to take the gun from Buffy's hand as she drew it from her pocket.  As the First's hand went through the weapon, it screamed in frustration as the explosion from the weapon rang through the air.

The First cried out in pain as it was banished from the worldly plain as Buffy Summers collapsed lifelessly atop the hellmouth for the final time.

------------------------

Dawn sat beside Buffy's bed, watching Spike sleep.  Xander especially hadn't been happy with that particular sleeping arrangement, but when he'd realised that there just wasn't room anywhere else for the injured vampire, he'd given up his argument.  

Dawn sniffled, curling herself into a ball on the soft chair, her legs under her chin, never allowing herself to completely break down.

Watching Spike sleep was almost therapeutic, even though it was also a little creepy seeing as Spike didn't need to breathe.  But, sitting with him gave her a sense of purpose.  She had a message and a letter for him, and she wanted –needed- to be the one to tell him.

He stirred a little, murmuring Buffy's name sleepily.  Dawn nearly crumbled then and there, but she managed to hold it together.  Spike's eyes fluttered open, the vampire squinting a little to see where he was and who was with him.  

He could smell Buffy all around him, and when he finally took stock of his surrounsdings, he realised why.  He was in her bed.  He almost smiled, but he didn't have the strength.  He finally noticed the person sitting beside him.

"Nibblet?" he asked tiredly.

Dawn smiled and gently touched his hand.

"Hey Spike," she whispered.  "Welcome back."

He managed a tired smile and forced himself to sit up, propping himself against the many pillows that were scattered on Buffy's double bed.

"How are you feeling?" Dawn asked.

"Like I just got tortured for a coupla days," Spike replied.  "But better.  Where's big sis?  Been wanting to thank her."

The tears that Dawn had been trying desperately to hold back began flowing quickly the second that Spike even mentioned her.  Spike felt something inside of him completely shatter when he saw Dawn's reaction.  He hadn't felt like that since the day he'd seen Buffy's body at the bottom of the tower.

"She's gone," Dawn whispered.

"What happened?" Spike asked.

"She knew how to get rid of the First," Dawn replied through her sobs.  "She had to do it…it was cos of her…"

Spike felt his heart sink.  

_That's the thing about magic.  There's always consequences.  Always!_

His own words came back to haunt him.  The consequence had finally reared its ugly head and it had cost Buffy her existence.

Dawn shakily handed Spike a folded letter.  He took it with shaking hands and unfolded it.  The paper held only six simple words.

Dar Spike 

_I trust you._

_Love Buffy._

A tear fell down Spike's cheek as he re-read the words that he'd been desperate to hear ever since the horrible scene from the bathroom.

I could never trust you enough for it to be love… 

"What's it say?" Dawn asked curiously, wanting to know what words her sister had imparted onto Spike.

Spike handed the note back to the girl.  She read it, wondering how her sister could have so few words to say to Spike.  She'd been half expecting for Buffy to tell Spike that she loved him.  Perhaps it was the grief of the situation that made Dawn began rambling, but she blurted out the thought before she had time to hold back her words.

"I would have thought she'd told you that she loved you."

Spike somehow managed a brilliant smile even though tears were beginning to fall freely down his cheeks.

"She did Nibblet.  She did."

END


	2. Six Words

Six Words

SETTINGS: Companion to 'Balance Restored'.  The other letters.

_Dear Spike,_

_I trust you._

_Love Buffy._

_Giles,_

_I love you dad_

_Buffy._

_Xander,_

_You're my rock,_

_Love Buffy._

_Anya,_

_Make them smile_

_Love Buffy_

_Willow_

_No more cookies._

_Love Buffy_

_Faith_

_Chosen One.  Forgive me?_

_B_

_Angel,_

_Always your girl._

_Love Buffy_

_Dawn,_

_Be brave.  Live.  Love._

_Buffy_

Awww….*sniff*  Yeah, okay, I'm morbid and I know it.  But who doesn't love angst?  Anyways, hope you enjoyed this.  Please, please, please review or email me!  Katters_s@hotmail.com  

(Oh, and the cookies thing is a reference to 'Something Blue' in case you missed that…hoping you didn't.)


End file.
